Grateful Lonely Part 2 of 2
Have you ever had that lighting rod feeling of just knowing when something is right? I have only experienced it a few times in my life, but I trust it with the core of my soul. Whether it is moving to a new city or deciding between the shrimp tacos or pimento cheese bacon burger at Poe’s (favorite local burger joint), you just have that inkling. By the way, it’s SO shrimp taco.
As Oprah says, “listen to the whispers.” The choice to be alone (after having agonized in bad relationships*) is the only way for me now_and that is totally okay! It is from this central, natural place in my soul (which hosts joy, peace, and feelings of happiness) that I know it to be true.
In researching this blog, I thought about the antithesis of solitude, companionship. My theory being that I would go through years of solitariness for the right companion. Being a data-driven MBA, I decided I was going to do a weighted average and assign values to the emotions Love and Loneliness (que God laughing). I quickly figured out that you cannot quantify either_they are both just a state of being_an experience. Loneliness is just a thing and ever-changing like the ebb and flow of so many emotions and THINGS in our lives. Why not focus on a better thought?
We should be thankful for all experiences. And while to some degree we are all alone (the human condition), we are alive!
The onus is on us to choose correctly. Be conscientious about how you spend your PRECIOUS time, recognizing that you will never have as much of it as you did in 5th grade or college. It is okay to be by yourself. Choosing to be alone allows for:
1. Positive self worth_I feel good about doing what feels right and brings me joy.
2. Strong self-esteem_choose the company of those who appreciate you and enhance your self-worth.
3. Peace of mind_ fulfilling relationships give a sense of calm and safety. I am starting with being happy with myself so that I will be “150%” for my friends and companions.
4. Good influence_be a good role model for other women and girls.
Feeling fulfilled is what we should strive for. We were not put on the earth to suffer. If you are lonely, explore the ideas below which define ways to get you out of yourself and focused on connectivity.
· Holidays_arrange your own get together with one or more friends -try “Galentines” or having “Friends Giving “
· Connect with people though apps and be receptive to engaging. When you go to an event, try not to be judgmental; have a number in mind of how many people you would like to meet. If you put yourself out there in a positive way, you will connect. It’s the Law of Attraction and a numbers game!
· Show up_attend a weekly yoga or gym class where you can see folks on a consistent basis_don’t bail!
· Join or start a meet up group_cities are marvelous for dog groups in the park.
· Stay in the moment_breathe.
· Revive a dormant friendship_ reach out to someone you have not seen in a while.
· Volunteer_make a habit of nurturing others. This creates a feeling of connection.
Call that long lost friend from your 5th grade girl squad! How awesome is it that you still are connected! Or head out to brunch on your own with a good magazine and your boundless spirit and energy. Speak with at least 3 people in the restaurant and be open, you never know where you will meet your next friend. Embrace being you, your awesomeness and your BOLD decision to live your life without depending on others for your happiness. Be grateful for the choice to be by yourself_it’s the one you made so you know it’s the right one. Everything in life is leading you forward.
While Grateful Lonely is not the easy way, I know it is perfect for me in the moment. It means I am moving in the right direction. I am so lucky to live in an age where I can decide how I spend my time. And whether it is in this life or the next when I meet my prince charming (or connect with new friends), I’ll bet you a shrimp taco that it will be as true and real as the sunrise on a clear day… oh and I’ll take that taco with fries please.